Star-Drops.Info ♥

Ayoko Na.

Semi-Tagalog post ahead. Sorry.

Nakakainis. Ang sakit sakit na. Ayoko na mabuhay sa loob ng pamamahay na ‘toh. Buong buhay ko wala akong ninais kundi mapansin ng pamilya ko lahat ng mga pagsisikap ko sa buhay ko. Pero sawang sawa na ‘ko. Pagod na pagod na ‘ko. Minsan ginusto ko nalang lumayas kaysa tumira sa pamamahay na toh. Mas gusto ko nalang mag-isa kaysa masaktan ako.

Ilang taon na ‘kong nagtitiis. Ilang taon na ‘kong umiiyak mag-isa. Ilang taon ‘kong kinikimkim lahat. Bakit ganon? Mas napapansin nalang nila ‘yung mga pagkakamali ko kaysa sa mga pag-pupursige ko? Wala na ba talaga akong nagawang tama?

Porket sabihin ko lang nararamdaman ko, bastos na ‘ko. Sabihin ko lang opinyon ko, singit na. Porket gusto ko lang maging masaya at magmahal ng taong mahal ko, mali na.

Come to think of it, kahit kailan hindi nila napapansin mga achievements ko. After kong magpaka-hirap gumawa ng group projects, nag-dedefend ng investigatory project after school, nag-papractice para sa performance sa foundation day ng school, at gagabihin ako ng uwi, pagagalitan pa ‘ko. And after all my high marks in school, I never heard a “congratulations” or “good job” man lang.

I never felt that I was loved by them. Sobra man para sabihin, but it’s what I feel. Gosh. I’m so teary eyed now, I can’t even bear to finish this post.. :’(

Appreciation.

I’m writing this post straight from my heart simply because I have no other ways to let it out. I have talked with boyfie about this and thank goodness he understands me and he never leaves me. That’s one of the reasons I love him so much. 

Okay. Now for my emotional outburst.

I feel so unappreciated by my parents. Sometimes I just wish I’m not this smart. Sometimes I wish that my parents would become so proud of my simple achievements. It just hurts so much when you give your all and then you feel it means nothing to them.

Believe it or not, I’m crying as I’m writing this. I can’t help but to be so emotional. It hurts me so much when I get high grades in school but still nothing. I don’t even hear a “congratulations” or even just simple “good job.”

It’s so hard to bear this burden. What keeps me going on is the encouragement from my boyfriend. I’m always open to him. And he knows everything I feel.

Mas lalo pa akong nahihirapan at nasasaktan kapag ang napapansin nalang palagi eh ‘yung mga pagkakamali ko. Nasasaktan ako kapag may good news ako tas pagdating sa kanila parang wala lang. Nasasaktan ako kapag ‘di nila maintindihan kung bakit nagiging ganito ako. Nasasaktan ako kapag nararamdaman kong wala ‘yung suporta nila. :|

I still don’t know how to put my emotions in to words. All I know is that I want to be APPRECIATED. :|